It’s not the youth – it’s you!

​Over the years I’ve worked in several capacities in youth services. Many times I have found that youth service professionals are burned out and frustrated in their day-to-day work with youth because they don’t feel like they are making an impact. Most of the time they are trying to ‘make’ young people ‘do’ something and they find themselves in a power struggles. This gets very little accomplished.

When I coach youth service professionals and youth about interactions, often times the adults  feel like they don’t have any leverage with youth because they feel like they don’t have power ‘over’ them to get them to cooperate. On the other hand, the young person feels they are constantly being nagged by the adult. As adults we frequently feel like youth should do what they are told (which I totally agree with) but when working with at-risk populations I have found that they have not been exposed to the values some of us grew up with and they have no context of the ‘old-school’ up bringing model. So as adults we immediately label situations and the youth as disrespectful, rude, and non-compliant.
 
In actuality, it is our approach to the youth (and in any situation for that matter) that set the tone for the response or result we get.  When I coach the young person about a situation usually they say “if he/she would have asked me and not burst into my room demanding that I get it done, I would have done it.” Youth often resist because they know it frustrates the adult and sometimes they get a kick out of it.  Here are three things you can do to engage a youth in getting a task done:

1. Ask, don’t tell. Sounds simple right? As an adult we need to set aside our pride and simply ask the young person to complete the task.
2. Give them a reasonable time frame in which to complete the task. If you come into their room and  tell them to have it clean in 30 minutes, when you know it will take two hours, you are setting them up for failure. Instead, negotiate a timeframe in which they can successfully accomplish the task and hold them to it.
3. Come to an agreement on clear expectations. Adults get so upset because a task has not been completed to their standard when in the youth’s mind, they had done what they had been asked to do. So if you need all the items off the floor, the floor swept and mopped, then clearly set those expectations so everyone understands.